EXCLUSIVE: Mötley Crüe Announce Final Tour

At 11am as representatives from the global media line the walls of the hallway outside Beacher's Madhouse, Vince Neil wanders past with a leggy blonde on his arm. A sweaty fan who just so happens to cross his path tries to remain calm, but visibly loses her shit. From 11.15am names are crossed off and we file into the room. This scribe perches in the front row next to a rapper named Ditch, whose neck bling would contest Lil Jon's Guinness Book Of World Records "Crunk Ain't Dead" pendant. Excitement piques when we notice Alice Cooper's name on the backdrop as "Very Special Guest" for The Final Tour. In front of the press conference table there's a headstone for each Mötley Crüe band member, but Vince Neil's doesn't arrive until later.

Handwritten signs are placed on the front of the table: Rick Franks (Live Nation), Doug Mark (the band's attorney), Randy Ortiz (representing Dodge, who are presenting The Final Tour), Scott Borchetta (CEO of Big Machine) and Jeff Tremaine (Director of The Dirt feature film). Live Nation's Joey Scoleri (aka radio personality Joey Vendetta) takes the stage as our able/humorous MC. But first we watch a sizzle reel of the Crüe's achievements. Scoleri tells us The Final Tour, produced by Live Nation, will kick off in North America on 2 July in Grand Rapids before international territories get the honours from 2015. Fan club presale tickets for the 72 American shows go on sale from tomorrow (29 Jan), general public onsale is 31 Jan and ticket prices start at $15 so all fans can come pay their respects. More details at motley.com, where this press conference is being streamed live today.

Summary of first panellists: Franks is pumped Live Nation are working with the band again after their "tremendous résumé of success"; Mark explains he invented the Cessation Of Touring Agreement in conjunction with the band (members of the press remain sceptical and ask questions about possible exceptions right up until the press conference concludes); Ortiz spruiks Dodge; Borchetta reveals he's overseeing a Mötley Crüe country tribute record and says that Leann Rimes texted him a couple of hours ago and wants in - "it's gonna surprise you what she wants to do" - (Scoleri cracks a gag about getting Tay-Tay's version of Dr Feelgood); and Tremaine divulges The Dirt script is almost good to go, and the film hasn't been cast yet although they're "down that road a little bit".

Mötley's "spiritual advisor" Alice Cooper.

When Alice Cooper enters across the front of the stage, he manoeuvres past Mötley Crüe's tombstones. Amazingly enough, Cooper and Mötley Crüe have never toured together before. Cooper's documentary is set to premiere at Tribeca Film Festival this April and it's called Super Duper Alice Cooper (course it is). Like Sixx with Sixx Sense, Cooper also has his own radio show (Nights With Alice Cooper). The zingers just keep coming from Cooper and he looks fantastic. Regarding his arrival on the scene back in the day, Cooper recalls what he observed: "We've got a million Peter Pans and no Captain Hook." Australian guitar virtuoso Orianthi is in Cooper's touring band at present. "By the way, if your band has a banjo or an accordion in it it's not rock, okay?" He stresses. Much laughter. Cooper also claims to be Mötley Crüe's "spiritual advisor, which is very hard work because they need a lot".

No question time for Cooper and now the Crüe members take their seats. When asked to address the difference between a farewell and final tour, bassist Nikki Sixx repeats a quote from drummer Tommy Lee who "said it best recently when he said, 'A farewell tour is when a band does a farewell tour and then gets back together and does another farewell tour and then breaks up and gets back together until there's no milk left in the tittie and it's a rip-off for the fans'." Laughter. Sixx adds it's important to the band that they maintain dignity, unlike a lot of other bands before them.

As for their post-Mötley Crüe plans: Neil intends to continue his work in the restaurant business and has no desire to stop singing on stage ("I'm not ready to stop"); Sixx has Sixx:AM, Sixx Sense and his The Heroin Diaries broadway play; Lee says, "I've got some big surprises that I can't talk about at the moment, but just know that there's things"; and Mars just moved to Nashville where he's got "lots and lots of musicians to work with", will seriously pursue a solo album now and there will be a book about himself but he "might write it backwards from death 'til  [he's] born". Mars is actually hilarious.

In conclusion, for the sceptics: "Just keep looking for the loophole, we're gonna stick to our word," Sixx. As the snappers shout out orders to the band - "Hold up the tombstones!"; "Eyes right!"; "Guys, hold 'em up!" - one of the Crüe members jokes, half under his breath, "THAT'S why we're stopping," and the rest crack up. And once the Cessation Of Touring Agreement is signed, we're done. But The Dirt movie isn't scheduled to debut in cinemas globally until 2015 (the bestselling book was originally released in 2002).  Home Sweet Home' aptly accompanies our departure.