Live From Future Music Festival Brisbane

9.27am: Well, in increasingly classic Brisbane Future Music Festival style, it's overcast, dreary and damp. Looking forward to seeing those statuesque be-singletted lotharios and tastefully accoutred dryads glistening like avatars of our apotheosis. Streaks of mercury catching sunlight to transmit back to us, the lingering amber proletariat - ossified by chronography.

Public transport is going to be a motherfucker.

9.39am:

Was thinking I'd wear these shoes. From that time I got crucified and shit. Need to impress Richie Hawtin.

12.20pm: Festival Tip - Wear Sunscreen. Yes, even today. Feel stupid putting on sunscreen in the middle of La Nina? Nowhere near as dumb as you'll feel explaining how you got sunburnt in torrential rain.

Trust me.

Brisbane we party rain, hail or shine!!! Dress appropriately for the wet weather and see you all in about 5mins when we start ;)

— Future Entertainment (@FutureEntAus) March 2, 2013

12.29pm: Also, don't bring your periscope. Just don't.

1.08pm: Interesting Future Trivia - Legendary British music journalist Paul Morley gets a small pile of money every year from The Prodigy. Firestarter samples Close by Art Of Noise - a proto-electro act Morley was briefly involved with as a musician in the eighties. He gets royalties from Firestarter every year as a result.

1.18pm: More Future Trivia - Minimal techno don Richie Hawtin is a big fan of Future Music 2012 alumnus Skrillex. When asked to curate an issue of respected dance music publication Mixmag last year, his immediate ambition was to personally interview the polarising dubstep kingpin.

Rumours that Hawtin simply couldn't resist fucking with that many chinstroking dancefloor elitists are yet to be substantiated.

1.23pm: Just saying - if I don't see at least one heavily made-up woman in an actual garbage bag today, I'm writing the whole thing off.

Almost at FMF Brisbane. On stage at 2pm, If the traffic sorts itself out. Roadblock!

— Ben Gold (@BenGoldOnline) March 2, 2013

1.57pm: Ticketing and entry an unbelievable improvement from last Year's festival. Amazing, actually.

We're coming Brizzy!!! Roads closed bc of floods #futuremusicfestival

— NERVO (@nervomusic) March 2, 2013

2.11pm: 45min delay until The Prodigy's Warrior Dance stage opens. If I miss DJ Fresh, I will be furious.

In other news, Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike just dropped Justice's Never B Alone and made me all nostalgic for 2008. Then dropped a Coldplay remix and made me feel all cheap and dirty. Welcome to Future.

And a Linkin Park remix? Seriously, lads?

2.53pm: Gypsy &The Cat have done well to get such a crowd this early on and in this weather. They also seem to have broken that awful 'rock band/shit sound' Future curse. Well done, lads.

3.24pm: And that's how long my thongs lasted. Rookie error, a nearby man told me. Time to eat.

3.33pm: Just got told that, at this point, neither Prodigy's or Coccoon Heroes stage is going to be up and running...

And then they open.

As torrential rain begins to kill my phone...

Future Music Festival Official Tour 2013 - today kick off in Brisbane! Rain won't stop us to Wake Your Mind! #wym... fb.me/AelnSuiO

— Cosmic Gate (@RealCosmicGate) March 2, 2013

First date of Future Music fest... Brought the big A stage to Australia. Bout to do this in the rain.

— Krazee Eyez Killa (@atrak) March 2, 2013

Rita Ora takes to the main stage (Pic courtesy of Future Entertainment)

I saw some good jugs today Australia! #futuremusicfestival2013

— Rita Ora (@RitaOra) March 2, 2013

Guess who... (Pic courtesy of Future Entertainment)

Rudimental on stage (Pic courtesy of Future Entertainment)

Psy entranced (Pic courtesy of Future Entertainment)

7.44pm: And we're back. I've hijacked a confederate's phone. Feel like I'm in a goddamn disaster zone. Approximately 70% of the site is under water. The remainder is mud and woodchips.

Brisbane, AU was killlaaaaaa!!! So rainy, I had to get wet with y'all!!!! thanks so much for the warm welcome and good time!!!!!!!!!!

— YUNG RAPUNXEL (@AZEALIABANKS) March 2, 2013

7.57pm: To bring you up to speed - The Prodigy and Coccoon Heroes tents were opened to the public. Zane Lowe old-school DJed and hype-manned the shit out of everything. Kill The Noise's set was hilariously interrupted by a power-outage (ie his noise was killed). Many disappointed Europeans congregated around the flooded Coccoon Heroes stage, desperately hoping some legendary techno don would turn up and restore power. He never did. The stage was shut down.  

Steve Aoki soaks it up (Pic courtesy of Future Entertainment)

8.25pm: There's a legitimate Lord Of The Flies/Apocalypse Now feel to everything here. It feels primal and ugly. All the weaklings have left (seriously). Only the strong and insane remain.

Azealia Banks freaking FMF out with her eyes (Pic courtesy of Future Entertainment)

Seth Troxler reigns at FMF (Pic courtesy of Future Entertainment)

9.03pm: My confederate is concerned I'm killing their phone. So I must sign off. Bald guy came up to me a couple of minutes ago. "You're fucked, mate! You're wet, muddy, fucked-up and pissed off!" All I could do was nod. With a sad little tear in my eye. FMF2013 had an incredible line-up. It's pretty impressive they've managed to snatch such dismal defeat from the jaws of such an easy victory. Also, Psy is genuinely a great performer. Who knew?

FMF PLAYLIST
To replicate accurately, listen to this under the shower.