Live Review: The Rolling Stones

The Rolling Stones are fashionably late. Have they done this in other states? We can't relax until they roll up. Even the band's salivating 3D tongue logo on the giant LED screens drips with anticipation.

At least we have time to tweet our song request. House lights finally dim. A collage featuring Melbourne venues flashes on the screens set to a driving, suspense-building score. We can see The Stones! They creep on and crouch behind the drum kit. The legendary Keith Richards takes a few moments to execute some exaggerated lunges. Cue Jumpin' Jack Flash riff. And we're away.

All band members look fantastic wearing glamorous fabrics that billow, gemstone coloured personal touches over basic black. He doesn't leave it on for long, but Richards' jacket is emblazoned with gold sequinned motifs - stars or marijuana leaves? Both would be fitting. The divine, ageless Mick Jagger gets everyone clapping by impersonating a crocodile. "Thanks for waitin'," Jagger acknowledges of these rescheduled shows and his distinctly British speaking voice also shows no signs of ageing. Sorry, but it's express from Wrongtown how this scribe feels when noticing Jagger's whatever-year-old nipples through his (ever so tasteful) slightly sheer, long-sleeved top. "We love it here so much I'm thinking about becoming a barista in Brighton," Jagger jests.

A catwalk borders the tongue pit and a lot of strutting goes on. Jagger moves like Jagger (in his prime). Dang, our request didn't get up. Melbourne voted for Street Fighting Man so Jagger announces they'll "give it a burl" (we wanted Rocks Off). During Out Of Control, Jagger's masterful harmonica playing is just that. A fine pair of animated tits appear on the big screens to close out Honky Tonk Women with its much-commented-upon accompanying visuals. Didn't really notice them until the end of the song, to be honest: The Stones have a habit of pulling focus. Ronnie Wood still resembles a brunette Rod Stewart, or does Stewart look like a blonde Wood? Jagger can't resist taking the mickey out of Wood: "Ahead by a nose"; "Why the long face?" Either can Keef, who teases, "He's got his trousers caught in his bicycle chain or something," when held up due to a technical difficulty with Wood before 'Happy'. Wood then plays lap steel placed securely on a stand.

Charlie Watts is debonair as ever, his glittery gold drum kit showcasing strategically placed stickers of his band's tongue logo. Midnight Rambler with Mick Taylor on guitar is well received and we notice a subtle costume theme based around the colour purple. Miss You riffs infiltrate Jagger's banter and we're on our feet again. Darryl Jones' bass solo during this song takes us there. It has to be said that the majority of balcony punters prefer to remain on their sugar shakers this evening, which is disappointing. Even throughout Brown Sugar? COME ON!!! Gimme Shelter shines a light on female backing vocalist Lisa Fischer, who Jagger affectionately calls "our Lise". Her parts are penetrating and cause shivers. Wood nails a ripping running guitar solo around the circumference of the catwalk in Start Me Up. If the catwalk were outlined in red or pink lights it would look more like a tongue.

Where can one begin when describing Monsieur Jagger's Sympathy For The Devil coat? If you've watched Treme, reference those Indian chief Mardi Gras costumes. Tumbling, fiery-hued plumage constructed from the finest feathers, it could not be further removed from the humble feather boa, and tacky it sure ain't. The Brown Sugar sax solo makes us feel randy. We say, "Yeah/Yeah/Yeah/WOO!" The Rolling Stones shouldn't do an encore fake-out. There's no need for the band members to wish us "good night" at this point and of COURSE we want more, it's a given. The stage set-up is manipulated and a choir take their positions on either side of the stage. You Can't Always Get What You Want, but judging by the look on one of the choir conductor's faces, you can get pretty darn close. The choral intro is heavenly. After the Satisfaction breakdown, riffs are rather out of sync but Keef just laughs it off and adjusts accordingly, which gives the impression that everyone else screwed up. When Taylor's not playing his headless tambourine, he wears it as a clunky necklace. Jagger mouths, "One-two-three," to cue a closing group bow and it's no wonder he was given this job with that ginormous gob of his. Richards pauses to collect a suspicious rollie from a ledge before leaving the stage. Have you ever buzzed so hard after attending a show that insomnia is a given, but not unwelcome because you're feeling so inspired? We "get what [we] need".