More Dick & Fart Jokes In Metal, Please

27 September 2016 | 3:23 pm | Brynn Davies

"So I'm out there playing with dildos in the street at 8.30 in the morning on a Monday, it was literally the worst time..."

Osaka Punch

Osaka Punch

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There are not enough dick and fart jokes in metal. Or music, for that matter. "The layman look of [metal bands] is like 'ooh look they're worshiping Satan', even worse they could be worshiping Jesus, ooh," jokes Dane Pulvirenti, who is hands down the funniest bloke you'll ever meet air drumming with black dildos on the side of the road. No metaphor - he can be seen in Osaka Punch's clip for Stonk madly drumming/gyrating with rubber phalluses in public. "Whenever we run out of an idea it's like 'just put a dildo in there, or some reference to a dick, and that should save the day'. So I'm out there playing with dildos in the street at 8.30 in the morning on a Monday, it was literally the worst time to ever see someone waving dildos in your face... I seriously died doing that."

"We had to change from the greatest name in the world to a name that's okay."

Their motivations behind every clip usually involve one or more band members "doing something extremely fucking compromising to his ego and the sanity of the people around him," like filming Jack Muzak on acid at Brisbane's Ekka festival. Pulvirenti remembers that Muzak had an "extreme empathetic moment" with the farm animals: "He was like 'NO, we shouldn't eat them, we need to let them go'."

The uber-cool performing-to-your-feet stance and chainsaws/satanic props in the metal world have a new rival - literal pants-down comedy. "I heard of Totally Unicorn because of that fucking amazing press photo. The whole pants down thing, doing the standard metalcore thing but with the mangina thing. I fucking loved that... There's too many gimps now, it is something that's coming up now; everyone's over the extravagance," explains Pulvirenti, mentioning the band were "dick and fart joke curators" before they were musicians.

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Before Osaka Punch was Osaka Punch, they were The Kidney Thieves. But so was another band in America. "We didn't know. We were just about to drop our album and triple j had picked up a track of ours and it was looking really good, and [Kidneythieves] basically sent an email saying, 'Well, we can go and do the trademark war with you, and we'll win because we're with a label and we've got a lot more money that we can draw on and you guys will just get crushed.' And to me that was like, 'We should keep the name. Let's get in as much trouble as possible.' Basically, given the amount of money, time and effort we'd put in up to that point, we just didn't have the energy or the finances to combat that kind of thing."

So, they did what all good-natured diplomatic musicians do and held a vote over new band names. Out of the hat came Bob Gnarly, Sugar Daddy Long Legs, Tokyo Crab Farmers... you get the gist. Pulvirenti points out that he voted against Osaka Punch in favour of Beast Infection. "We're going with stupid right? That's pretty stupid... We had to change from the greatest name in the world to a name that's okay."