The Prime Minister is set to shock the nation tomorrow by unveiling a new Australian National Anthem.
Sources close to the PM's office have indicated that, even as late as now, as many as five songs are in with a chance of being selected. All five were written by Yackandandah-based jingle writer Craig Harvey, whose previous credits include the soundtracks to straight-to-VHS titles A Moving Picture History Of Lesser Known Australian Steam Trains, A Day In The Life Of Sydney's 7th Best Data Processor and The Untold Geological History Of Parkes.
It is believed that Harvey was instructed to compose up to 20 tracks “in the style of” popular Australian artists. SPA Confidential's source says that tracks based on hit singles by Flume, Airbourne, The Potbelleez, I Killed The Prom Queen and The Janoskians are in the final five.
“The PM is taking a personal interest in this because the Government think this will win the Australian public over,” the source said. “There was nothing particularly wrong with the old anthem, but the PM feels that the public would fall in love with a new anthem.”
Details about each track are scarce, but SPA Confidential can reveal that the otherwise vocal-less track “In The Style Of Flume” has a sample of the Treasurer saying, “This is our club floor banger” for a chorus. The Airbourne-homaging track pays tribute to our national identity of “beer and babes”, while The Potbelleez-rip off is just a euphoric chorus about King's Cross nightclubbing repeated for four-and-a-half minutes.
Inspired by the works of I Killed The Prom Queen, a hardcore track penned by Harvey is seen as an option in the event of a republic movement overthrow of the monarchy. While if the The Janoskians track is chosen the Government will reduce the minimum voting age to four and set a maximum voting age of 16 to the next election.
“It's likely that the PM will personally perform the winning track during a ceremony during a Greyhound racing meet tomorrow,” the source said. “It will be streamed live to the world via the Ellen talkshow.”