Kids Sue The Wiggles: 'They Didn't Teach Us Math'

18 May 2012 | 4:18 pm | SPA Confidential

Even though the new Wiggles line-up has been announced, it hasn't stopped desperate E-listers throwing their skivvies into the ring.

In a shock announcement yesterday The Wiggles announced that essentially, they were breaking up. With three of the four members leaving the children's group, new members have been appointed to carry on past 2013. Despite this, a wave of washed up celebrities and talent quest rejects have contacted Wiggles management looking for a career-reviving role.

According to rumours faxed to SPA Confidential in the early hours of the morning, Lara Bingle had her people call the Wiggles people as soon as she read the announcement. "She was watching outtakes of her new reality TV show when news came through on Twitter," the source told us.

"She didn't respond straight away because she was searching for mentions of her name and only noticed that The Wiggles was trending about half an hour after news broke."

It is believed that while she is still waiting for a response from the band, she is remaining 'hopeful and upbeat'.

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Another who is circling is an ex-producer of TV talent quest show The Voice. Fired from his previous job because his ideas of lowering the entry level age to one-and-a-half years old was considered too radical by the network, he believes he can create a show to select the new members.

"Fuck the guys they've chosen," he told us, "I can make them all rich! We'll have the four-year-olds texting in votes for their favourite contestants, who will all live in one house for six months, all sharing the one bedroom."

Dubbed The Wiggles: No Mercy, he also has a plan for a up-late uncut edition of the show for adults. A network head told us today, "Are you fucking kidding? I'm not touching that one, kids will be searching that."

Elsewhere, a student suing her private school for damages after failing to make to score the grades needed for her first option university course is turning her legal attentions to the children's group.

SPA Confidentialsnuck into the 19 year-old's bedroom this morning and overheard her discussing the case with a housekeeper. "I mean, like, I was always told to watch The Wiggles in the back of the car," she claims.

"But, they didn't help me in maths at all. I've always been told - and everyone knows - I'm a gifted child, but I just needed the support in maths - especially in trig... trigin... triganoma... algebra. I mean, like, all they ever sing about is cold potatos. But I was already getting A's in home economic.”