So, the Logies were on again the other week.
Somehow The TV Set was not diverted after viewing the premiere of The Voice. Perhaps it was the shock of those giant red chairs spinning wildly. Y'know, nothing on Nine has had that much momentum since they bombed the fuck out of Grace Sullivan back in 1979 (get a medium to contact a great grandparent and ask them about that).
And, before the red-chair-vertigo had a chance to subside, you were once again overcome with dizziness due to the 'spinning fashion pod' (as it was dubbed by tweeps). There is no better way to take in all the latest in Crown Casino high fashion than by splaying the gown on a lazy susan borrowed from the food court, and being able to pass your co-host the aioli at the same time. But they can forget about telling us who the designer is, just tell us who the mannequins are (and explain yourselves while you're at it - Jules Who?). Were the arrivals a clever cross-promotion for Arena's WAG Nation? And now, you are not only dazed, but there's also an all-over body ache for the bygone era of Jeanne Little... even the bygone era of Kylie Minogue. Little didn't need a red carpet dress rotisserie. She would have picked that fucker up, bedazzled the bejesus out of it and then worn it as an accessory.
And before you could mutter, "What! There's no support actor from 2 Broke Girls presenting the Most Popular Factual Program award!" you were watching the actual presentation. Though according to the ratings figures, most people gave up during the endless parade of starlets who wished they dated footballers (and the seemingly endless parade of ditched Brownlow dates who wished we still had weather girls). Yep, somehow the Logies Arrivals rated its stits off while the actual awards didn't even make the week's top ten shows. Nine should screen Crown punters lining up for taxis every Saturday night if this kind of spectacle draws such big numbers.
Hang on, was that Rove? Isn't he meant to be in LA? Isn't he being groomed to be the next Leeza Gibbons? Oh, and are there separate awards for the different football codes? Did Sarah Ferguson just win a Logie? For Four Corners? Is that a flood news bulletin? Are there more floods? Did Molly die? Are Skyhooks playing? Did Home And Away just nab Melissa George another Logie? Did One Direction just realise that the cast of Bondi Rescue is their future? Is Better Homes And Gardens still airing? Was Paper Giants meant to be quality TV? Didn't Hugh Sheridan release a single once? Does Hamish not look as pretty without Andy by his side?
Oh, that was the gold moment. It's over. How did that happen? Damn you, The Voice.
Hey, do you reckon that despite not being an Australian citizen, Seal could be eligible for the Gold Logie next year? Don Lane won one once and wasn't he American? Or would Logie voters prefer Keith Urban and his silky, smooth mane? Bet that could lure Our Nicole back to the Logies without having her make a Bangkok Hilton sequel. Or maybe Delta Goodrem could be nominated again, as she was in 2004 - at least she won't be beaten by Lisa Chappell this time... unless someone decides a MacLeod's Daughters reunion telemovie is a good idea.
Actually... with Prisoner being remade as Wentworth for payTV, maybe Fox8 could re-imagine MacLeod's Daughters as Macca's Babes Want A Farmer and all those over-cooked rotisserie riders could find themselves both a career and a fall-back option all on the one horse.