This Video Of Vanilla Ice Rapping At The 'TMNT 2' Premiere Is Nostalgic & Very Sad

In 1991, Vanilla Ice was one of the biggest rap stars on the planet.

As an extension of his fame and one-time influence, his inclusion in that year's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret Of The Ooze was something of a coup for the film, and his rendition of a song, written for the movie, called Ninja Rap — better known by its refrain, 'Go, ninja! Go, ninja! Go!' —  is likely burned into the brains of several late-twenty- and early-thirtysomethings as a tentpole track of the early '90s.

Ice's association with the Ninja Turtles has sort of continued through the years — he recently appeared on US TV with the Turtles as they appeared in the mid-1990s to perform, for some reason, his totally unrelated but best-known song, Ice Ice Baby — but the New York premiere of the 'new' TMNT 2, Out Of The Shadows, is the closest in recent living memory that he has come to returning to the song that soundtracked a warehouse battle between the Turtles and Not Bebop and Not Rocksteady (aka Tokka and Razar) as countless impressionable young minds looked on in wide-eyed wonder.

And, man, is it depressing to watch. Never mind the guy in the lower-right-half of the screen losing it laughing when he realises it's Vanilla fucking Ice yelling incoherently into a microphone from behind him; bask instead in the awkward glory that is Madison Square Garden resoundingly not really hollering despite Ice's request that they do so if they hear him. In fact, the first part of the video that isn't outright heartbreaking is the enthusiastic elderly man who puts his hands up in the air, like any good rap show attendee would.

That dude is everything.

Anyway, Ice starts up the "Go, ninja! Go, ninja! Go!" chant again, the song kicks in, and… it's painfully slow. Much slower than we remember. Wait, it's not Ninja Rap at all. No, in place of the energetic, uptempo, deliciously '90s strains of the song that people would be reasonable in expecting to hear at this stage, we're treated to the plodding, slightly intimidating, little-known hardcore-style sequel piece, Ninja Rap 2, which sounds like it belongs on the Dangerous Minds soundtrack but actually appeared on Vanilla Ice's 2005 album Platinum Underground. The whole thing isn't helped by the old-school live-action Turtles body-suits, the occupants of which can't really do much more than bob up and down, and occasionally wave their arms the whole time like they're drowning. Which, in some ways, they are.

And that's before you even get to the lyrics — in fact, his song selection actually makes kind of more sense knowing that he previously danced with the Turtles to Ice Ice Baby previously, because Ninja Rap 2 also actually has nothing to do with the Ninja Turtles. Do you know what he is rapping about in this song and video? Playing at the Gathering Of The Juggalos with Insane Clown Posse. And… other things. But mostly that.

No, seriously, these are some of the lyrics to the verse Ice sings in front of a cinema full of children and their unprepared parents:

When I'm in the club people show me some love,
I've got the mic on tight like OJ wears his gloves,
People come around, VIPs and the Clowns,
Juggalo love, I'm selling every place out,
When we rage at the gathering with ICP,
saying fuck the world, let's all live free yeah

Basically, the sum total of the performance is this: We're not sure that Paramount thought this through. See the video below, along with Ice's original recording of Ninja Rap 2 and his iconic track from Secret Of The Ooze.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Out Of The Shadows will hit Australian cinemas on 9 June.