BIGSOUND's Rock & Grohl Mama: Virginia Hanlon Grohl On How To Raise Your Headbanger

Rock fans see Virginia Hanlon Grohl's last name and have to ask — is she any relation to Dave? More than a relation, Hanlon Grohl is one of the few people in the world to still call him "David" — a daggy, universal right that a mother is allowed, no matter how many awards and genre-defining bands their child acquires.

Virginia Hanlon Grohl is coming to BIGSOUND to promote her book From Cradle To Stage: Stories From The Mothers Who Rocked And Raised Rock Stars. While the book's hook is the story of her son, and of the other famous musicians who her featured interviewees have raised, the real gold lies in the insights she provides into the parents' lives themselves.

"Yeah, well that was sort of a surprise, I guess. And of course they all said, 'There's nothing special about me, there's not that much to tell,' and then we found out there was a lot to talk about," Hanlon Grohl says of her interviewees. "I didn't go with any list of questions I had to have answered, they all just developed as easily as conversations, because we had some pretty important core things in common. They were very relaxed and fun conversations." In talking to a range of parents, including Marianne Stipe (aka "Michael's mum"), Verna Griffin (aka "Dr Dre's mum"), Mary Morello (aka "Tom's mum) and Hester Diamond (aka "Mike D's mum"), Hanlon Grohl's conversations with the householders who welcomed music into often unusual places are really fascinating. While there's an obvious bravery for the musos themselves in doing the early hard yards across empty stages and in long car trips, for the parents, especially mothers, there is often a different level of belief, faith and sheer determination required.

The common thread among all of them was the bond between parent and child — something a shared love and appreciation of music was able to provide. "Now all of our kids, you have to realise, were raised before kids had devices in their hands 20 hours a day," Hanlon Grohl says of the parents she interviewed. "It's not too difficult to access it, it's not too expensive. Also, another thing, we lived in a really small house, it had one bathroom surrounded by our three bedrooms, which was only a few feet away from where the music player was and the kitchen. And so we were a close family in more ways than one — we were only a few feet away from each other at all times. So it was, that's another thing that's changed a lot from then to now. There was just a lot of things about that kind of lifestyle, in that place, at that time."

An important part of Hanlon Grohl's work is the careful and vivid pictures she paints of her interviewees. A former English teacher, her own artistic chops are clear in the writing too, making it a joy to read. "I wanted to show the differences in the times and places and the details bring some of those things," she says of each interviewee's story, paying careful attention to present part memory, part biography and part testimony. "I wanted to make sure I had all the facts right, so I did a lot of research to begin with, before and after the interviews, sometimes before, sometimes a little after. I wanted to be sure I had everything right, and I've been retired for a long time so I have a lot of time to sit and write. I actually enjoy the process — I actually love revising and revising, and redoing and redoing, I had a really good time doing it."

Hanlon Grohl's book covers a range of musicians' parents and their parenting styles. By extension, there is also a range of approaches to 'raising a rockstar'. "Many of them are quite active in the early careers, many of them really helped them along, they didn't stand by. Like the Lambert family invested in a van and went on the road and helped Miranda find places to play, and other mothers in some ways helped to pave the way in whatever way they could, but I think you're right, others sat patiently and hoped for the best," she explains.

At the end of the book, Hanlon Grohl gives some playful advice for the next generation of parents and rockers titled What's A Mother To Do. While it's personal and at times funny, it also reminds the reader of the importance of building a genuine bond to allow both the parent and the child to enjoy the "energy" and "fulfilled human being" that music can help foster. It's work she's watching go into practice with the next generation too, as during the close of the interview we move quickly from Dave to his girls and their emerging musical interests. "Aren't they wonderful!?" she exclaims. "[The oldest one] has her own rock band already! So I saw her about two weeks ago I guess, and the middle one is a drummer, she's played on stage with him a few times, and the little one, we haven't discovered her talent just yet. She's got the energy of a real headbanger, I know that," she laughs.

So will there be a second volume of the book sometime, then? 'The Grandmothers Who Rocked'? "Ha, that could be the next chapter!" she says. Despite her bursting pride, there's also a sense that here, Hanlon Grohl is happy to watch too, as her son develops his musical parenting skills. "Their daddy is the best guide possible. Right now he's on tour in Europe and he has [the] middle daughter with him, for about three weeks of touring in Paris and Amsterdam and Italy and all over. Then he'll come back for about a week and when he goes back out he'll take his oldest daughter, the singer, out with him. So they'll all get their one-on-one time with him, as well as a sense of what it's like. Well they've all been on tour together, so they know what it's like, but now they're getting their own special view."