The TV Set: Letters Never Sent

Congrats,Go!. Not only have you successfully made ending a sentence with your name look grammatically stupid but you also managed to screen most of the third season of Community without publicising the fact. You also then managed to withdraw it from your schedule with the equivalent amount of publicity. BTW, do you know one of the show's stars will be on the Big Day Out bill next year (it's Donald Glover in case you weren't aware - it seems he's also successful rapper Childish Gambino)? Maybe you could get him to film some promos that you will never use.

Thank-you Kleenex, for inventing a new toilet paper that promises extra grip. Especially love that to get your message across for this breakthrough in toilet tissue technology you have employed a puppy to sniff out the dirty arses of humans in a new TVC. Thank you Kleenex, for interrupting my curry and rice dinner during the latest butcher scam shakedown on Today Tonight and making me visualize the clumps of dried excrement stuck between the rump cheeks of those every day Australians who prefer to use inferior gripless brands of toilet paper.

Dear Ten Network,
Now that you have realised no one has been watching your morning show(you know, the one you creatively called Breakfast), maybe it's time to check the ratings of your recently rejigged Late News. GQ model reject Hamish MacDonald stumbles through the nightly news with a sports journo sidekick and Hermione Kitson. Hermione Kitson. Really? Did you want to trick us into thinking we were watching British young adult fantasy?
You originally promoted the show as if it would be the return of Graham Kennedy-style late night news and silliness - with the original title mooted to be something along the lines of Hamish Presents Graham Kennedy-style Late Night News And Silliness. Does your presenter know what it means to have his name not in the title?  Hopefully he doesn't have any contact with the now-unemployed ladies from The Circle.
Good Luck with that, Ten.

Hey NAB, today I found a pair of sunglasses outside a shopping mall. I handed them in to the Information booth. WHERE'S MY FUCKEN CAKE?