The Stiffys Tour Diary: Part Two

This tour diary was provided in all caps, and had to be significantly reformatted for publication. [Editor's Note]: We usually enjoy The Stiffys yelling at us in caps but thought it'd be best to turn the volume down for this blog. SOZ!

Wednesday, 15 Apr — Newcastle University

We were late to the airport again and resumed our cat and mouse game with the priority lounge – where they hide all the drinks.

They were all like: “Do you guys have a membership card?”
And we were all like: “Yes.”
And then they were all like: “No you don’t.”
And then we were all like “Yes we do.”
And then they were all like: “No, they’re just Tazos.”
And then were all like: “No they aren’t.”
And then they were all like: “Alright guys you can come in but seriously this is the last time.”
And then we were all like: “Haha ok sure see you next week everybody."

The airport lounge is literally the best thing ever because they have so many drinks in there and also no security guards saying “stop yelling” or “keep it down” or “why do you live your life this way?”. We bumped into out friends and tour buddies The Beards and everyone had the best party ever.

Adam and I were a bit tipsy by the time we got to Newcastle; everyone was having a great laugh. Actually, it was mainly Adam and I doing all the laughing but we were fairly confident that The Beards were quietly enjoying our high-energy jokes on the inside. They sent us off to find free trolleys in the car park. 

We went straight to Newcastle University to get revved up for the big show at and Adam found heaps of white wine, which was totally great. He does that a lot, I don’t know how, but it’s very important to him that nobody asks questions about his white wine.

We forgot to take any photos during our show but in summary it was probably the best show we’ve ever played and you’ll have to take our word on that. We got some good shots of The Beards though; they did a really great job. 

We love Newcastle and have lots of friends after playing some festivals up there. They sure do enjoy partying there and, while they will steal from you, they’ll also buy you drinks. We celebrated the great show with a lot of drinks and everybody did chair jumps.

Thursday, 16 Apr — Central Coast, The Entrance Leagues Club

Honestly this morning was pretty rough because of all the drinks we’d enjoyed the night before, the power being cut and also that we’d woken up in Toronto. 

The Beards’ tour manager came and found us and said that we’re lucky we’re good at music because otherwise we’d probably be dead as we have no literally no life skills. 

Breakfast was pretty low key due to the café’s strict drinks policy. The whole kitchen staff came out to get photos with The Beards and, while we made it very clear that we were also available for photographs, they totally forgot to get photos with The Stiffys. Haha crazy guys — better luck next time.

Next stop was the Buccaneer Motel, which had a lot of vacancies for some reason. They’d done a lot of the decorating themselves and had create a charming courtyard by concreting over the pool.

Lucky for us the Buccaneer Motel was having a soft drink sale and we totally took advantage of it, buying over $50 worth of cans and cleaning them out completely haha. You’ve got to get up pretty early in the morning to sneak a deal past The Stiffys, am I right? Haha.

Everything got a bit blurry after all the soft drinks and I also ate a two year old protein bar from the bottom of my bag, so I honestly couldn’t say how the show went at Entrance Leagues Club but it was probably the best show we’ve ever played. We sold out of CDs and now we only have 100 left in the world. 

Adam must have lost or won a significant amount of money on the animated horse racing because there was gambling tickets all over our room the next morning and someone had vomited protein bars and Fanta everywhere. 

Friday, 17 Apr — Sydney, Metro Theatre

It’s important to look after yourself on the road, so we woke up at about 4pm to pick up some more soft drinks and a healthy breakfast before heading to the Metro to do some graffiti with Surprise Wasp.

Adam found all these out of date bottles of Pinot Grigio in a dumpster behind the venue so we literally had the best time. All the ladies were going so crazy during our show so everybody did great rock jumps. 

I threw my guitar down like a real rock boy and one of the tuning pegs broke off, so we celebrated by spending all our merch money at the venue’s photo booth before heading to he Townie.

Saturday, 18 Apr — Canberra University

To be honest with you we were not having the best time on Saturday morning as we’d had a late night and woken up pretty far away again. 

The Beards eventually found us so we celebrated in the van all the way to Canberra University. We always have the best time with The Beards, even when they’re trying to nap we still do great jokes at them because we want them to have a great time all the time, even in their dreams. 

We found a possum in the bin when we got to the venue so Adam and I had a celebrate. 

We played probably our best show ever and then found all these extra drinks, which was great but meant that The Beards’ tour manager had put us in the shower again. It’s probably a good thing because after four shows our suits needed the spruce up.