Live Review: Kylie Minogue

24 March 2015 | 7:50 pm | Bryget Chrisfield

"An unsatisfying close to an otherwise remarkable evening."

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A really delightful spruiker welcomes us to Rod Laver Arena, instructing us not to hurry since we have plenty of time and he’s not wrong. We enter through the turnstiles. Is it possible Ms Minogue is still sound checking? Sure sounds like it! Arena doors are not yet open and Kids can be heard blaring out from inside. “Kylie VIPs” queuing outside Door 5 must feel less “Very Important” than desired right about now. And then a cheer goes up when the doors are eventually opened. 

Giorgio Moroder is more audience conductor than DJ. He also resembles an adorable Womble, sporting red headphones that match his trainers as he gees up the crowd. Moroder selects multiple Donna Summer classics such as Love To Love You Baby and Hot Stuff and then Blondie insists, Call Me. Punters all the while wave Kylie’s illuminated fluoro dildo merch items (seemingly none the wiser as to what they resemble). The Godfather Of Disco. What a support act!

Actor Samuel Johnson, who has been cast as Molly Meldrum in Channel 7’s new miniseries Molly, makes a surprise appearance on stage. Tonight we’ll be recreating Meldrum’s first public appearance since his accident, chanting “Mo-lly! Mo-lly!” as the real Meldrum enters the arena. The first take doesn’t cut it, so we go again and Johnson instructs Minogue fans to stop waving their dildos about since these wouldn’t have existed in the scene we’re recreating.  

Kylie Minogue is cheeky. In the program there’s a saucy picture of her with a “Kiss Me Down Under” caption. This is The Singing Budgie’s Kiss Me Once tour and she appears reclining seductively on an illuminated red version of Salvador Dalí’s Mae West Lips Sofa. Minogue’s headwear makes her resemble a unicorn and those impossibly high, red skyscraper stilettos! Dancing in those things? Ridiculous. Evoking Marilyn Monroe, Minogue’s skirt is blown upwards thanks to a strategically placed ‘Beyoncé fan’. Wow gets bums off seats and musicians are placed either side of the stage to maximise Our Kylie’s performance space. Après costume change number one, Minogue returns, resplendent in silver and black (sequins and patent leather respectively), to Step Back In Time. Minogue’s stunning backing dancers are often dressed in cartoonish fashion and you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who looks cuter Spinning Around than Kylie. Take note, newcomers: she may wear skimpy outfits, but Kylie is all class. Your Disco Needs You would win Eurovision every year. Minogue admits to being more emotional than she expected to be On A Night Like This

After recognising she resembles a human disco ball in her current outfit, Kylie admits she’s rapt to welcome Moroder back to the stage to perform their newie Right Here, Right Now. Kylie sings an a cappella portion of I Feel Love and her voice blows us away. “That guy is the man,” she praises Moroder. Slow follows and the male dancer who features throughout this number is almost as good as Beyoncé’s Les Twins. A Stock Aitken Waterman medley isolates the diehard (read: older) fans in the crowd and includes Never Too Late (not sure about the female backing dancers wielding vacuum cleaner props!), Got To Be Certain and I Should Be So Lucky (during which Kylie jumps into a bath the recreate that scene from her music video). 

Kylie’s take on INXS’s Need You Tonight reminds us it was Hutch who made her sexy, but we wish she’d stuck to the original key. However, the arrangement sounds phenomenal and we hanker for a visual of Michael Hutchence on the giant screens. Sexercise is a bit of a lull, certainly not production-wise but it’s just not as strong a song as Can’t Get You Out Of My Head that follows (which proves tonight’s overall standout). Kylie wishes to locate “Ian” in the crowd (no, not Molly) ‘cause he gave her a particularly massive bunch of roses. After taking one stem and handing one to Ian, Kylie then hands the bunch into the crowd, who choose to also share kisses as they pass the bouquet much to Kylie’s delight. Looking around, Kylie commends eye-catching outfits and a bit of her Charlene Robinson character materialises as she observes, “Pedal to the metal on the Janome!” Kids could use a video representation of Kylie’s duet partner Robbie Williams and her female backing vocalists taking his parts falls flat. We suddenly realise Katy Perry ripped off Kylie: That California Gurls song is a dead ringer for Our Kylie’s Love At First Sight! Mash-up alert?

The Locomotion “pulls into Flinders Street Station” (cheese), but we REALLY want Confide In Me. Oh, no! Can that be it? A one-song encore sees Kylie sing Into The Blue, which (if it hasn’t already) is bound to feature on Dancing With The Stars. Sadly, this is an unsatisfying close to an otherwise remarkable evening.