Album Review: Various - Fifty Shades Of Grey Original Soundtrack

You know what’s really sexy? Strings.

A quartet, a symphony, it doesn’t matter to the musical supervisor of Fifty Shades Of Grey, nothing goes with an abusive relationship masquerading as housewife erotica like some damn strings. You know what’s also really sexy? The same song 15 times. You can hear this same down-tempo (because down-tempo is so sexy) tune sung by your breathy vocalists, for example, the truly insufferable Ellie Goulding, or the once pinnacle of sex now parody of himself, The Weeknd. Or Beyoncé and Sia, both truly too good for this fate.