David Liebe Hart Band Tour Diary: Part One

I'm pretty sure there's no way to correctly articulate the intense humour, awkwardness and frustration of the past few days. Anyone who has seen Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! knows who David Liebe Hart is, but what you might not know is, his TV persona isn't too far from how he acts off screen. In fact, he tones things down a tad for the cameras. He's currently across the road from our Wollongong venue, Rad (formally Yours & Owls), at the local Presbyterian Church for their Sunday afternoon service while we set up for tonight's show. About an hour ago he was asleep on the sand dunes at a beach up the road while myself, the rest of the band, The Stiffys and Ten Thousand Free Men & Their Families were at a bar up the road.

IT'S THE STIFFYS!

I guess the first thing I should probably explain before diving into the past few days is why I'm touring Australia, playing bass for LA puppeteer/painter/singer/songwriter/train enthusiast's punk rock band. Last year I heard a rumour that David would be venturing Down Under, so being a Tim & Eric fan, I emailed him and he replied saying they weren't, but would love to. When they tour, it's usually just with guitarist Adam Papagan (who has been writing, recording and touring with David for six years) and they get a fill-in bassist and drummer. The age gap between the two is interesting, with being David 58 and Adam 25.

I play bass and I somehow managed to rope my friend Harry, who plays drums in my band, The Decline, into joining me, then Ben Neilson (aka Collateral Manage/Mr Hits & Pits) put together a tour. Harry and I learnt 20 songs over the course of six months before flying to Brisbane last week to pick David and Adam up from the airport on Wednesday. As soon as they landed, things unsurprisingly got interesting.

David's one true love.

The train line situated outside Brisbane International Airport immediately caught David's eye, which was our introduction to his obsession. Adam's first and only impression of Australia was formed via the 1995 Simpsons episode Bart Vs. Australia. Instead of being greeted by a country bumpkin yelling about “chuzzwazzers”, he was met with a tour van that took us to a hotel. Upon arrival, the two international travelers dumped their luggage, and we made a welcome video for the tour. David then grabbed the hotel phone and yellow pages to call all the local hobby shops to enquire about their model trains. Apparently train enthusiasts call themselves foamers.

Right next to his passion for locomotives sits an interest for Christian Science. A brief venture out to get some lunch and it was back to the phone where he spent most of the afternoon calling local churches, trying to sell them his Christian music album. He sold one, and on the way to rehearsals that night we had to stop by Brisbane's Christian Science Reading Room so he could drop it off. No one was there, so he squatted in the middle of a busy footpath (see image) for a solid five minutes to scribble and leave a note for them.

This is exactly what it looks like.

Located adjacent a train line, we didn't see much of David for a good hour or so once we got to our rehearsal space, but Adam, Harry and myself needed some time to run through the tunes anyway. Harry had been wearing a hat all day, but took it off when we started jamming, confusing David and prompting him to ask whom the new guy was.

There are a few religious songs in the set, and comparing a song such as Dick Fighting to Walk With God is kind of funny. One of the songs in the set is called Hallelujah Praise, which Adam suggested David write a donut spin-off titled Hallelujah Glaze. “It'll be sacrilegious, but I'll think about it," David promptly replied. We're also playing songs about aliens known as Omegans and Korendians – both races look exactly like humans and have been at war for years.

Okay, this is where it gets kind of weird... Omegans are apparently the bad aliens, most of which migrate to Ireland and cleverly employ Irish last names. They come from Star Kalden, are bi-sexual and eat lots of salt and meat. Korendians come from Star Korender, and they're the good extra-terrestrials. Unfortunately, this Australian tour clashed with an offer he had to tour those planets.

After sampling vegemite and kangaroo steaks the next day, David disappeared to ride public transport until rehearsal that night. We popped by the 4ZZZ studio on the way to jam for a radio interview, and afterwards Ben's phone lit up with requests from around the country. Brisbane show day was welcomed by a visit to Koala Park were David and Adam got to hang out with and meet kangaroos and koalas. After lying down next to and patting a kangaroo, David requested more kangaroo steaks for lunch.

Lunch.

Dinner?

The first show was at Brisbane's Crowbar on Friday night, and when we rocked up to the venue Bring Me The Horizon were hanging out, having some drinks there. Obviously to catch a glimpse of David Liebe Hart Band. We loaded it and met the support bands for the tour - One Thousand Dead Men & Their Families (NSW) and The Stiffys (VIC), who are awesome guys. With a fair amount of presale tickets sold, we were wondering what the audience would look like. Well, I saw some guy in vibrant red high top cowboy boots and a button up shirt with fish on it.

From the minute doors opened until we stepped on stage, David was behind the merch desk, selling, signing and taking photos with fans. His approached definitely paid off, with fans constantly opening their wallets all night.

We rattled off 17 tunes and left David with his puppet, Lambadog, to do a couple more from Tim & Eric Awesome Show – which is probably what everyone had been waiting for the whole time. I don't think anyone noticed, but David had to change the melody of the songs to avoid legal problems with Warner. Because the songs appear on the Awesome Show soundtrack, which was released via Warner, he actually isn't allowed to perform them live, which kind of sucks.

We flew into Sydney the next day and headed straight to Hermann's Bar for the show that night. David and Adam were staying in the dead centre of Kings Cross, and when he walked in the bond for the room went from $300 to $1100. Totally Unicorn drummer Mike Bennett said he would take David to church on Sunday, but after some post-show drinks and losing an hour to daylight savings, an 8am service was not going to happen. Luckily, he found the service happening next door to Rad.

Killing it in Sydney.

So, only two shows into the tour and I've already collected enough stories to last me a lifetime. The next week can only get more interesting. And unless I break my sense of humour, like Cartman did in the South Park episode How To Eat Your Butt, I'll be posting another update shortly!

'Till next time!

Written by Daniel Cribb, touring bassist for the David Liebe Hart Band.