Music Scene In Mourning Over Loss Of Iconic Merch Table

The Australian live music scene has taken a mighty hit this week, with the news that one of the industry's iconic merch tables is to be retired.

The fold-up table had become a staple for fans and artists alike in the past 25 years, and many had taken its existence for granted before the shock news. The table had travelled with countless bands around the country and carried with it the memories of a thousand spilt beers, dents and graffiti scribbles.

“That fold-out table has seen more merch in more venues than we can ever hope to,” said veteran merch boy Johannes Bridle in a tribute. “But towards the end, its legs began to give out under the weight of the scene's hopes, dreams and expectations.”

While the table is said to have been retired voluntarily, SPA Confidential understands that it was suffering under a number of pressures that were unique to the 21st century music industry.

“The table comes from a time when rock'n'roll ruled,” Bridle told us. “But things are different now. Fans these days want to sit down and be silent during a performance – this poor table had too many creaks and cracks for that, you could hear it during the performance. It was part of the charm, but that was totally lost on this new generation of fans who looked at this piece of music with disdain.”

It wasn't only the fans who were forcing the merch table into retirement, some artists were pushing it out as well.

“All the DJs want to sell glow-sticks for merch,” Bridle said, “but when you put them on the old merch table they illuminate all the cock-and-balls pictures scribbles and Fred Negro cartoons. We were getting complaints that it wasn't suitable for 15-year-olds – fuck them, this is history!”

Online petitions to save the merch table have fallen on deaf ears, with the table now expected to be developed into a series of 'arty' door stops for a new housing precinct.